oops, sorry

I should admit something to you, because…

Well, not for any good reason, I mean, you are the internet and thus totally unqualified to hear, judge, or respond to my admissions. But I have chosen to begin divulging all kinds of thoughts and even semi-secrets to you lately, and in the interest of complete and total honesty I must admit that I haven’t been completely and totally honest.

Not that everything I’ve written hasn’t been entirely true; it has. But that maybe, so far, I haven’t been entirely me. If you don’t know me (in which case it is impossibly kind of you to read this right now, I mean my actual friends are probably reading out of obligation or derisive amusement), if you don’t know me you probably think I am very serious and speak in long, strung-out sentences exclusively about God. And everything I think wraps up with a nice takeaway ending for thinkin’ about. And I don’t go ten minutes without using the word “simply”.

The real facts are, I am that person sometimes, except that when I am that person I speak very very slowly, tempting everyone around me to take a nap while I formulate the perfect sentence for expressing my oh-so-earth-shattering thought. But most of the time, I am sort of funny and sort of awkward, a little quiet and apparently emotionless (or so they tell me)… Except for when I have a lot of energy and bounce around being happy and taking on leadership roles. If all those “me”s sound like contradictions, it’s because they are, but regrettably there are not many good labels for some people (…all people). On personality tests and such, I end up in between everything. Like on the Meyers-Briggs – I was within 5% of being both letters on every trait, except way skewed towards “Perceiving”, which means I like things to be open-ended and don’t like making definite decisions.

Super great, Meyers-Briggs.

So why solely the literary, super-deep persona? Why not switch voices earlier or try to meld the two (probably the goal [yeah that sounds healthy])? Why sound like lots of other wonderful writers when my stated purpose is to try to find my own sound?

I’ll tell you why, internet. It’s because writing long, strung-out sentences exclusively about God is easier than writing good, short, funny or otherwise interesting ones about other things, at least for me. I don’t want to be narcissistic (even though I’ve already started a blog so that’s kind of out the window) so I write about God to make up for also using the word “I” all the time. I’m kind of too lazy to work hard enough to be funny. And I’m kind of scared, because there’s no worse sin according to my generation than a joke that falls flat (I couldn’t find the blog post I once read that backs me up on this, but I found some unintentionally hilarious generalizations by googling “humor gen y”).
(Which I guess proves everyone’s point about Generation Y and irony and things.)

I just wanted to confess all this to you, internet, so you aren’t totally blindsided when I man up and write about something completely unrelated to previous topics in a voice that doesn’t sound like me. Unless you feel blindsided right now. In which case, you really probably don’t know me, and I am baffled as to why you have stuck around through so many tangents and strange explanations when you actually came for incredible-insight-Lyndsey.

Maybe it’s because you’re strange, too, and the internet is strange, because it’s made up of all of us people and all of us people are strange.

(Are you? Are you strange? Or just me? Do you have all the personality types too?)

Leave a comment


  1. Bradford

     /  June 15, 2012

    When I took it, I was all the way over in the extrovert category, and kinda in the middle for all the others. To answer your question, you are strange. But all the interesting people are.

  2. Caleb A

     /  June 15, 2012

    Being strange is one way to see myself… but I rather use a different word to mean the same thing. So I replace strange with “interesting.” Maybe it works for you too. An optimistic way to have a pessimistic interpretation.


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