and to be honest, i’m tempted not to save this post’s life

Linking up with Sarah Bessey for a change of pace. Usually takes me one to two hours to write a post, but I’m setting myself a challenge to write out “What is saving my life right now” in 25 minutes. [in other words, I don’t know what’s about to happen.]

Saving my life right now? Can I say only one thing? If I’m being saved from the creeping depression of uselessness, then it’s craft projects strewn, travel plans impending and emails flying love; baking and errands and chores so I can be a helper.

But then again this one poofy chair is rescuing the part of me that loves books, erasing the college strain I thought myself impervious to; without deadline or distraction, they no longer threaten from corners. They are my friends again, Weil and Dostoevsky to Pratchett and (good heavens) David Wong. My attention span is lengthening again like muscles twisting yoga poses. Reading, books upon books of my choosing, is saving my self.

My life, though, right now? More often than not I’m wishing it away, trapped in a strange jobless limbo before the trendy purgatory known as the “gap year”. I’m counting the lazy days to probably the biggest life change I’ve experienced and missing this, here, family and rest, and the kicker is I know it. I want to be thankful and wise with this time, but all the projects and trips and books are really there to keep me just distracted enough.

No, what’s saving my life right now is not a thing, it’s just honesty. You can’t absentmindedly tell the truth, not the way I’m learning to say it. All the grounding I’ve got is in the Spirit’s whisper pushing me deeper into truth, every  day a little further for the past ten months but now, while I’m just waiting and wondering who I am to start over –  now I have no choice and no excuse. Now, the blog, pulling all the courage out of me to spill thoughts and God forbid feelings into space. Now, the calls from friends, the talks with family, and refusing to hide.

What’s saving my life right now is the letting go, improvisation lived large so finally truth in comedy is truth in art is truth in life.

[i cheated. 30 minutes.]

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14 Comments

  1. “What’s saving my life right now is the letting go” Me too. Over and over.

    Reply
  2. Hi, found my way here via the synchroblog.
    Love this, especially the thoughts of refusing to hide and letting go.

    And congrats on the 30 minutes, I take forever to write a post! Must get speedier!

    Reply
    • The 30 minutes stressed me out a lot, especially the “publish” part. Probably won’t repeat that exercise for a little while but, you know, it got something out there!

      Reply
  3. It’s amazing what can flow from our pens in less than a half hour. I appreciate your use of the word ‘honestly’ … being authentic helps us keep our sanity, keep grounded, keep growing!

    Reply
  4. ” Reading, books upon books of my choosing, is saving my self.” Yes…they are such wonderful friends. I’m impressed with the 30 minutes too!!

    Reply
  5. Beautiful! Loved this —> You can’t absentmindedly tell the truth, not the way I’m learning to say it.

    Reply
  6. Found you via the synchroblog and I love your writing (yey again for the thirty minutes!) This – “what’s saving my life right now is not a thing, it’s just honesty” – is just so. good. I’ve been learning what living honestly looks like a bit more recently but hadn’t put it that way before and then your words just jumped out at me…

    Reply

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